News & Views

1. In 2018, Intel introduces the first 128 core desktop processors using the new VCore 256 bit low power architecture based on an 18nm chip fabrication process. The processor has 32 MB of L2 cache per core and starts at 2.4 GHz. Pricing starts at $210 each in lots of 1,000.

2. In 2018, mainstream games and applications finally begin to fully-utilize 4 of the CPU cores and set their sights on using 8 cores in another decade.

3. In 2018, despite lack of progress on CPU utilization, games now routinely require graphic cards with at least 4096 cores, 64 GB of RAM, their own external power supplies, refrigerant cooling systems, and special purpose optical bus connections. Users complain about the extreme prices, and the massive noise the compressors make while the units are running. They also complain about the 40% rise in their electric bills, and lack of widespread game support, but they keep buying the new cards because the hardware demonstration animations look so cool. Quake 6 now routinely runs at over 2,000 FPS in photo-realistic mode but the new QED Crystalline-Lattice displays still only update at 60 Hz.

4. The Torvalds Foundation announces core-level native support for the new 256 bit CPUs in it's next kernel release. Linux users worldwide immediately begin to argue publicly about which of the approximately 342,000 distributions will make the best use of this new kernel.

5. Apple announces a 256 bit native version of OS XV with full support for up to 8192 cores and warns of future plans to phase out 128 bit support in the next full point release. Their share of the installed base in the US reaches 20%. Their worldwide share remains steady at 9% as Ubuntu Peter Piper gains even more ground in the world PC market.

6. Microsoft proudly announces that the 64 bit version of the upcoming Windows X (10) will finally be the default version installed on all new systems.  Then, they quietly announce they will continue to maintain a 32 bit version for volume corporate customers still using 30 year old custom applications. When asked if they have future plans to support 128 bit or the newest 256 bit CPUs, they say, "we don't comment on future development plans." Huge corporations applaud the backward compatibility of the available 32 bit version and promptly ignore the 64 bit version. Consumers, 85% of whom now have 128 bit CPUs and 64-256 GB of RAM in their PCs, again consider the burning question of why they still use Windows after nearly half a century of Microsoft's OS trailing new technology by years.

7. Apple introduces the iScape(tm) Virtual Landscape Projection system. It uses technology licensed from recently-purchased Imax to project realistic environments in three dimensions in your living room. It allows you to listen to music from your iTunes library while lying in a garden meadow on a mountainside in Switzerland. It allows you to dance to techno in a club in Miami, or sit at the 50 yard line every time your favorite team plays football. Best of all, it looks like a shiny aluminum modern art sculpture sitting in the middle of your living room.

8. The first molecular duplication of a living organism is performed in a laboratory in Europe. Using direct atomic manipulation, scientists are able to assemble the basic molecular building blocks to perfectly duplicate a single-celled organism. When it is finished, it immediately springs to life causing scientific celebration as well as incredible philosophical and religious controversy. Two weeks later, the lead scientist for the project is bludgeoned to death with a 5 iron on live TV by a frenzied Christian minister screaming about the sanctity of life.

9. Construction is proceeding briskly in New Manhattan, NJ. Many corporations who once operated in the now-flooded city of Manhattan are finally reopening in their new facilities. The huge number of ex-Floridians who were displaced as most of the state was overrun by the rising water tables are finally getting settled into their new cities nationwide. A steady stream of hurricanes now runs non-stop throughout the entire year with the largest covering an area roughly half the size of the U.S.

10. After decades of battling earthquakes, mudslides, and quickly-rising sea levels, ironic horror grips the nation as Malibu is completely destroyed on live TV by the first category 5 Pacific hurricane to hit the greater Los Angeles area. It results in the deaths of thousands of has-been movie stars, causes $240 billion in property damage, and results in the total collapse of the plastic surgery market in California. Hollywood Squares goes off the air for 6 months as they scramble to find stars to fill all of the empty squares. In other news, the city of Toronto is renamed "New Hollywood" by the Canadian government and yet another horribly stupid remake of "Knight Rider" appears on TV.

11. After their grandchildren show them videos on YouTube showing that Antarctica is now covered with mud instead of ice, the US Congress spends 8 months carefully creating legislation to begin funding a 20 year study to see if global climate change might be a real problem they need to address someday. Unfortunately, they tack on $800 billion in unrelated pet project spending causing it to be vetoed when it reaches the White House. As a result, the government still does nothing and the coastlines continue to disappear under rising sea levels. Poor folks along the recently-created Southern Gulf Coast of Georgia begin to make plans to move further inland to reach higher ground.

12. The first general purpose android household servants begin to appear from several manufacturers. They cost $130,000-$200,000 each initially, but the wealthy buy them like crazy so they can fire their illegal-alien housekeepers and nannies who they believe are stealing from them. Japanese toy companies release simplified high-impact plastic versions a year later for $129.95 and even cheaper copies from Taiwan appear on eBay for as little as $34.95.

13. In 2012, an alien race detected the small space/time distortions we were creating with our Large Hadron Collider experiments and decided we were finally advanced enough to announce their presence to our world. After first contact was made in late 2012, our governments spent the next 6 years bickering over who should represent the world when negotiating treaties and technology-exchange agreements. No significant progress was made during the previous 6 years, so the visitors decide to leave in disgust partway through 2018. A significant number of our most intelligent people choose to go with them, setting back most active research projects on Earth by several decades and causing a technological Dark Age to arrive.

14. George Foreman releases an updated version of his grill which stands completely vertical while cooking, uses high-tech, instant-on, ceramic elements to cook the meat evenly, and has a touch screen interface which can also browse the Internet. The stainless steel version sells like crazy at $499.

15. The PlayStation 6 is announced in time for Christmas. It will sell for $1299. The lack of advance development units for game companies means it will have zero software available for at least 18 months after launch. But the specs look amazing on paper, so kids start begging their parents to buy one anyway.

16. Bose releases the first ZERO speaker surround sound system which uses high energy electromagnetic pulses to scramble your brain into thinking you are hearing sound all around you. In response to widespread concern about potential brain damage, Bose later adds a filter to prevent the playing of German opera and anything by the Jonas Brothers.

17. The electoral college is finally eliminated in 2017 when, after a record election turnout in November 2016, 87% of the population votes for one candidate and the other candidate somehow still becomes President. After careful thought about ways they could improve on our current election system, it is replaced by Girl Scouts selling raffle tickets for a random drawing with the Presidency as the prize. The move is applauded as an infinitely more accurate representation of the will of the people than the electoral college.

18. The host of the Today Show suddenly pops into another dimension in mid-sentence during a special live broadcast causing quantum theorists to run through offices all over the world yelling, "I told everyone that could happen!" The host later reappears in a Turkish bath house holding a potted plant and finishes his sentence.

19. The NSA, while routinely monitoring the communications of all Americans, learns that the Democratic Senator from California is about to propose legislation outlawing their covert activities against Americans. The next morning, the Senator's car coincidentally explodes as he is driving to work. The NSA quickly releases "evidence" that terrorists were to blame and calls for additional powers to help them fight terrorism. There is public outcry about the country not being safe enough and the President, at the urging of Congress, signs an executive order allowing the NSA to implant chips in all Americans' brains which allow them to monitor our thoughts.

20. The Coca Cola Bottling Company spends 173 million dollars developing and advertising a new flavor of Coke called Coke Ultimate. The public promptly  ignores it and continues drinking the same old Coke they've always been drinking.

Those are just a few of my predictions for the next decade. I hope you enjoyed them.

Labels: Opinions, Predictions